DEAR ABBY: My fiancée and I are in our early 50s. We dated for 2 years and have been engaged for 3 months. She’s an exquisite girl, and I can not think about life with out her.
I knew she was bi-curious a 12 months in the past when she advised me one in all her married feminine co-workers was flirting together with her and he or she form of loved it. Since then, their relationship has grown, and so they get collectively each couple of weeks for intimacy in our residence. They’ve even requested me to hitch them, which I have never performed but.
My fiancée insists she is not a lesbian or bisexual and what she and her good friend are doing is harmless enjoyable, however I am not so certain. To date, I have never made a difficulty of it and go to mattress at my ordinary time when her good friend visits to allow them to have their enjoyable. However have I opened Pandora’s field by being so agreeable?
She guarantees no romantic emotions are concerned, that her good friend is not any menace to our relationship and the 2 of them are simply blowing off steam. Our love life is nice, and he or she says nothing can substitute us within the bed room. Ought to I proceed to look the opposite manner? Or is that this a fork within the highway that might result in a lifetime of “something goes”? — CONFOUNDED IN KENTUCKY
DEAR CONFOUNDED: This isn’t taking place since you “allowed” it. It’s taking place as a result of that is what your fiancée feels she wants. Not realizing her, I can not predict the place she is on a Kinsey scale — a one being totally heterosexual and a ten being totally gay. At this level, I do not suppose she will be able to both.
Until you might be snug with the thought of dwelling this fashion, I urge you to have a really lengthy engagement as a result of it’s anyone’s guess how this may end up. The three of you might be all consenting adults, so I will not choose. (I can not assist however marvel if the partner of your fiancée’s lover is aware of concerning the steam they’re blowing off.) I have to, nonetheless, level out that if a standard, monogamous marriage is what you need, your fiancée is probably not the woman for you.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 15, and in my job I work with a few of my cousins and siblings. There are different folks, too. I make associates simply as a result of I can speak to everybody.
Everybody I work with says I am flirting with two guys who’re simply my associates. I do not need folks to suppose I am flirting as a result of I am not. How can I persuade those that we’re simply associates and nothing extra? — FRIENDLY TEEN IN IDAHO
DEAR TEEN: The people who’re accusing you of flirting could also be teasing you to get a response. Or, they might be making an attempt to level out one thing essential that you must consider if you find yourself working. Working with somebody is completely different from hanging out. The relationships are slightly extra formal (and severe) than in a social surroundings away from the job.
This won’t be your solely enterprise into the workforce, and if you find yourself slightly older, you’ll understand that guidelines discouraging private relationships between co-workers, each written and unwritten, are put in place to guard you and the enterprise. So fairly than work on convincing “folks” that you simply’re not flirting, be your pleasant self however in a extra skilled manner.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact her at Expensive Abby, P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069, or go to DearAbby.com.